I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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