i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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