I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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