those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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