kristin has been a bad kristin
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
