Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
