he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
