Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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