That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
