that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
