I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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