I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
