too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
