Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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