hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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