True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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