youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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