I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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