dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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