mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
