You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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