That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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