just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
