names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
