I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
