fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
