Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i would punch a child for taco bell
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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