This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
