You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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