Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
