just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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