You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
