I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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