You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
