singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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