I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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