Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
