when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
