My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
