If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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