yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
