So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
