this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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