he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize