Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
