Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize