I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
