Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
