They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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