I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She tied me up with her honor cords...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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