So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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