youre lurking in front of me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
