coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
