Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
