yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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