I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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