I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
