It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
