Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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