am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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