cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
