It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize