I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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