The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
