His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
