just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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