Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
