I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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