You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
