Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am one with the molecules
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
