so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
