the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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